Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
