i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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