I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
