sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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