she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
