The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
