I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
