"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We named our party play list daddy issues
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
