oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My ass is underappreciated
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
