i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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