It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
