I faked an abortion last night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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