I puked a lego.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
