I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
