I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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