How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
