I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
