glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
