he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
