So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
