I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
