he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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