remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
