I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
