this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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