Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I want is dick and wine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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