It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
