You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
