I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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