if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
