There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
