Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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