he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
