And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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