youre lurking in front of me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
