I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
