he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
