I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
