i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
