i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
