In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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