okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
