He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
