when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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