I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
