he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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