the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
