I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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