I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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