Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
