Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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