the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
